


we win some, we lose some

by honeyed



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baby, Fluff, M/M, Married Life, Minor Character Death, Surrogacy, They're having a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:12:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1118672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyed/pseuds/honeyed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry is overly excited to have a baby with his husband, but louis seems more excited for the football match on tv.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we win some, we lose some

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to lena (donacster on tumblr) for being my last minute beta!

Louis sat there inattentively, sulking lightly in the arm chair he had made a home in; his back rested on one of the arms, his legs dangled over the other. Harry cleared his throat and reached for the book shelf in front of him, pulling out a book of baby names to abate the negativity that seemed to suddenly inundate the room. Louis' eyes didn't shift from the carved stone pot he'd been staring at for ten minutes, his mind was occupied with the designs and history behind its origin. Louis and Harry had received the pot as a wedding gift from Harry's mother just over two years ago; it now contained something else of hers. Harry's lips parted as he flipped to the tenth page of the book that was rested in his hand, swallowing as he readied himself to list off the possible names of their unborn child.

Louis spun himself around, planting his feet firmly on the rug beneath him. He made quite the sound, startling his husband, causing him to snap the book in his hand shut. "What's for tea tonight, babe?" He asked, spinning the ring on his left hand around his finger. Louis waited patiently through the silence, not taking his eyes off his exquisite wedding ring.

Harry placed the book down on top of the shelf, looking down at Louis. His first reaction was to shrug, he didn't know what was for tea. "I-uh," He cleared his throat to remove the grit stuck in the back of it. "I can make whatever you feel like eating, Lou." He finally pushed out, reaching his hand up to wipe the forming sweat off his forehead.

Louis stayed silent, ideas for what he wanted to consume later whilst watching the game filled his head. Harry stood there for a moment, as still as a statue, watching his beautiful spouse think. When Louis was deep in thought his tongue seemed to find its way out of his mouth; either licking his lips or just resting itself to the side. Harry definitely found that as one of Louis' cuter habits, the habit of ignoring more important situations - not so much.

Harry took the book back into his right hand and gave the left one a comfortable hiding place in his jean pocket. "I'll be reading names to myself in the nursery if you need me." Harry spat out, bluntly. He despised how distant Louis had been lately. They were expecting a child in a matter of weeks and the only time he seemed even remotely excited was when Eleanor was around; when he could actually, physically see the bump. With that, Harry marched himself over to the nursery and slammed the door shut behind him. Louis didn't move from where he was sitting, not even an inch, not even a centimeter.

Harry flipped aimlessly through the pages, highlighting names with the yellow ink he had found in his back pocket. "Callum" He mumbled, screeching his pen across the shiny page. There was a creaking noise as the door directly in front of him swung open. Harry's face lit up as Louis stood there, until he realized what was in his left hand; it dangled as if to rub it in Harry's face.

The corners of Louis' mouth rose falsely, as did the stubble that was attached to them. "I'm going out." He slurred quietly, lifting up the keys so that they were in clear eye shot.

Harry nodded slowly, returning his nose to the book in his lap. Louis' eyes wandered the nursery; he scanned the baby blue walls in immense detail, looking at each framed picture of a boat with every inch of his mind. "Have fun." Harry shot out, bringing Louis' back to Earth.

Louis nodded and moved himself backwards, shutting the door in his own face.

Harry shook off the anger, un-clenching his fists that had balled up as Louis announced his departure. He swallowed hard before pushing the pen back onto the page, highlighting another name. "Joseph," he sang with a smile, closing the book and putting it down on the table beside him. He looked around the room in which he had painted, decorated and dreamed up without his husband’s help at all. His heart sank slowly into his stomach as certain thoughts entered his mind, thoughts he definitely didn't want in there. _What if Louis doesn't want to have a baby with me? What if Louis didn't want to marry me?_ He shut his eyes so tightly his head began to pound. _What if Louis doesn't love me?_ He shook it off and stood up from the chair he had occupied; he made his way over to the door and turned out the light before exiting completely.

 

Louis pushed opened the front door, letting in a small breeze along with himself and Eleanor. Harry's head shot around to look at the entry way, drawing his attention away from the spaghetti he was cooking. "I-Eleanor!" He choked lightly on the words as they escaped his clenched teeth. "What a-um, what a lovely surprise!" He lied. He didn't want her there, he wanted Louis by himself. "I'm just making tea, if you'd like to stay?" He offered kindly, no matter how much he wanted to tell her to leave; even though she was carrying his baby.

Louis let out a small snicker. "Well, obviously." He said, not bothering to make eye contact with Harry. The thoughts reentered Harry's head; _why is Louis doing this? What did I do that was so horrible?_ "I'll take that," Louis said with a smile, accepting Eleanor's coat off her back. He hung it up on the coat rack and made his way over to the kitchen counter where Harry had returned to slaving over the cooker.

Louis watched him stir the spaghetti; he noticed that the normal elated Harry Styles that he had married wasn't there anymore. "You okay, babe?" He asked, leaning on the counter top with his elbows. His head turned to face Harry, but Harry's eyes stayed fixated on the pot in front of him. Eleanor awkwardly positioned herself on the sofa and flicked on the TV. "Put it on the Spurs match, will ya?" Louis said, getting up off his elbows.

Harry stirred the spaghetti one last time before tapping the spoon on the edge of the pot; taking it off the heat. "Tea will be ready in a minute," he said with little to no emotion in his voice.

Louis sighed at Harry's chosen indifference and found himself opening the fridge. He pulled out two beers and cracked the tops off. "Beer, El?" he asked, and Harry immediately grunted behind him. Louis spun around to come face-to-face with what appeared to be Satan himself.

Harry's cheeks turned the colour of a thousand poppies, his rage swelled throughout his brain. "Are you fucking kidding me, Lou?" He burst with anger. "She's over eight months pregnant and you're offering her a beer?" Louis blinked slowly, he'd never seen Harry get like this. It was... hot.

Eleanor stood up out of her seat, skipping over with a belly the size of a peanut to stop the fighting. The way Eleanor was built meant that for some completely unknown reason, even though she was over eight months pregnant - she didn't look it... at all. "Please, stop," she said sweetly, her voice was like the sound of melted chocolate and fresh strawberries; with a side of desert wine (which she wasn't allowed to drink).

Harry pursed his lips and turned back to his pot, finishing tea without another word. Louis walked up behind him and placed both arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, kitten," he said softly, connecting his fingers together so he had a tight grip on his husband. Harry didn't say anything he just stirred in the sauce as Louis stood there, holding him.

 

Harry's smile beamed throughout the whole flat as he flicked through the pages upon pages of highlighted names. He pointed them out one-by-one to a very enthusiastic-looking Eleanor, while a very unenthusiastic-looking Louis put all of his attention into the football match on TV. "So, I think I'm pretty much stuck between Callum and Patrick," Harry said, ignoring Louis as he practically hit himself in the head when the opposing team scored a goal.

Eleanor smiled at Harry with such delight, rubbing her belly ever-so-lightly. "Whatever name you choose, he'll be lucky to have such a great dad." Louis clued in, clearing his throat. "Two... great dads," she corrected before standing herself up. "I better be off."

Harry looked at the clock hung up on the wall in the kitchen, it was nearly nine. He nodded and walked her over to the entry way where he helped her put on her coat before saying goodbye. "Lou?" He asked, looking over at the scruffy ball of excitement who was way too engrossed in the match to even notice Eleanor was leaving. Harry shook his head and hugged Eleanor goodbye and then proceeded to close the door behind her.

Harry continued to clear the plates from the sitting room and took them into the kitchen to wash them up. "Could you pass me another beer?" Louis asked, not taking his eyes off the flat-screen. Harry slammed the plates on the counter... loudly. Louis jumped and turned around to see Harry storming his way to the master bedroom. "Harry?" Louis called after him, bewildered by his sudden exit. Louis looked back over at the match, there was only seven-ish minutes left; so he decided to watch 'til the end before going after his husband (big mistake).

 

Louis slowly pushed the door to their bedroom open, letting the floorboards beneath him squeak with age. "Harry?" He said softly, closing the door behind him. He found his way through the dark (song title unintended), searching the air for the end of their bed. He reached the wooden edge and followed it around to Harry's side.

Harry's eyes fluttered open as Louis' breathed irritated them. "What?" He said, closing his eyes once again; he didn't want to look at Louis. "I'm trying to sleep."

Louis sighed, getting down on his knees so that he was eye-level with the love of his life. "I wanted to say sorry, I don't like going to bed while in a fight." Harry opened his eyes just so he could roll them in Louis' honor.

He rolled over, turning his back to his husband. "Go to hell," he said, promptly.

Louis rushed around to his side of the bed, stripping down to his boxers and climbed in. He was facing his husband, placing his hands up and down Harry's hirsute arms. "Babe, please." Harry rolled over once again, flicking Louis' grip off him. "I said I was sorry."

There was an elongated silence.

Louis reached out his hand and gently caressed Harry's side, letting him know how much he really did love him using something other than words. Harry didn't move (to Louis, that was a good sign). He moved himself closer, snaking his arms around his husband. He puttered many kisses along the long boy's neck and jaw line before resting his own head in the crook of Harry's neck. "I love you so much, Styles," he whispered, letting Harry breathe.

Harry squeezed his eyelids tight, letting whatever stray drops of water fall down onto the bed sheets beneath them. "I love you, Lou," he replied; he did love him, he just didn't know how he felt right in this moment. The moment where Louis upset Harry, and then decided to finish watching a football match before coming to see if he was okay; which he wasn't. His affection for Louis seemed to slowly waste away every day they got closer to gaining their new family member, and that scared him.

 

Louis dragged himself out of the bedroom fully dressed in.... well, absolutely nothing. He walked into the kitchen to get himself his daily cup of tea. "Morning," Harry sing-songed, twirling in his apron to greet his husband with a kiss. Louis half-smiled to show his love; even though he was still half asleep. Louis was happy though, he was happy to see Harry happy. Happy Harry generally meant happy Louis, and happy Louis meant sex (well, in most cases).

Harry hummed to himself as he flipped an omelet in a pan, catching it swiftly again after it had caught a decent amount of air. "I made eggs," he smiled, putting it on a plate with a sprig of watercress for decoration.

Louis smiled and took the plate, finding himself a seat along the kitchen bar. He was still happy, just not _as_ happy. Harry making breakfast usually meant that he'd already wanked off in the shower and that also usually meant he wouldn't be in the mood for at _least_ a couple of hours. "Thanks for the eggs, babe. What's the special occasion?" Louis asked, cutting himself off by shoveling a forkful into his mouth.

Harry snickered, Louis knew exactly what was coming. "The special.... _egg-casion,_ " Harry smiled, proud of himself; Louis just rolled his eyes. "I picked the baby's name!" He finally burst out after the honeymoon phase of the joke has died down (it wasn't actually there to start with).

Louis gulped down his eggs, and nodded lightly. "What is it?"

"Patrick!" Harry was exuding excitement, and he expected Louis to as well. Much to his surprise, Louis didn't seem to give two shits. Harry's once gleaming smile quickly changed into a frown when he noticed Louis paying more attention to the eggs than him.

Louis looked up when he saw Harry walking off, he didn't want a repeat of last night so he quickly followed Harry to their bedroom; thankfully out of the kitchen where the knives were. "Harry, what's wrong?" Louis asked, closing the door once they were both inside.

Harry scoffed big-headily. "What's wrong?" He repeated, pacing back-and-forth. "What's wrong is that I'm working my ass off here trying to get ready for our son who is going to be here within a matter of weeks..." He paused to take a breath and puzzle together his thoughts. "...and what are you doing?" He continued, getting red with anger; Louis still found that so hot. "You're sitting around, watching football, having _eye sex with fucking eggs..._ just so you can ignore me and all your responsibilities." Harry sat down on their bed, letting his heavy head fall into the comfort of his hands.

Louis walked over and stood above him, looking down (something he didn't get to do very often.) "I'm not ignoring them." He stated, lying - of course he was.

Harry stood up again, towering over Louis. "Yes you fucking are!" Harry screamed, probably alerting their downstairs, upstairs and across the street neighbours. "It was your god damn idea to ask Eleanor to be our surrogate so that we could have a child that was at least half of one of us and now it's like you don't even want to have a baby with me!" Harry's eyebrows stitched together in his rant, his brain was tied in knots. "Why won't you tell me what's going on? We're married... You said you loved me... You're supp-"

Louis placed his hand over Harry's mouth. "You want to know the truth?" He asked, Harry nodded his head. "It's not my kid." Louis removed his hand and sat down on the bed, letting Harry tower over him even more (the boy was a fucking oak tree).

Harry narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"You heard what I said, Harry," Louis said, refusing to make eye contact with the tall, curly-haired heartthrob standing in front of him.

Harry sat down on the bed next to his husband. "What do you mean?" He croaked, swallowing back the tears. "What do you mean, Louis?" He repeated, impatient for an answer.

"I-It's your so- your and Eleano- You and Eleanor are having a baby boy. I'm not." He choked up, practically coughing his words out. "Your sperm was the one that got her... egg..." He paused, remembering what he had just eaten. "...This child isn't mine."

There was a pause.

Louis sighed. "I'm pathetically in love with you and I feel like you're having a family without me." Harry put his arm around Louis, pulling him close. "I'm sorry, Haz."

Harry buried his face into the top of Louis' head, breathing into his mess of hair. "Don't you dare say that. You are one hundred percent as much a part of this boy's life as I am." He placed multiple kisses on Louis' scalp. "He will have two loving fathers, and a mother." Louis wept into Harry's lap. All Harry could do was feel bad, feel horrible, feel like complete and utter shit. This whole time he'd been yelling at Louis' because he was being an ignorant piece of shit; when in reality - he felt like this (Harry turned out to be the ignorant piece of shit).

They sat there, holding each other for at least twenty minutes. Harry was finally feeling at peace, ready for Eleanor to have this baby and for him and Louis to bring that baby home and raise it together. He was excited, and he could feel Louis getting excited as well.

Harry's phone began to vibrate against the wood of their bedside table. He looked over; he didn't recognize the caller. He reached over and grabbed it, unlocking it. He pulled it up to his ear and cleared his throat quickly. "Hello?"

 

Louis squeezed the hand of a very still, pale-looking Harry. He was too in shock to cry, he was too scared to talk, he was too in pain to even blink. The second Harry heard the voice on the other end of that phone call, he knew something was wrong. But, he never thought it would be this. Not this. _Anything but this_.

Louis put his shaking hand onto Harry's vacant thigh, squeezing it to reassure that he was there.

They sat there in silence, waiting.

They waited.

They waited.

They waited.

Then, out came a doctor with an unsure look on his face. "Mr. and Mr. Tomlinson?" He said, removing the surgical mask from his lower face. Harry and Louis immediately rose to their feet. "I'm sorry-" He began, but Harry didn't hear a single word he said after that. Harry fell to his knees, putting his forehead on the cold hospital linoleum flooring.

Louis bent down, putting a hand on his husbands back. "Harry..." He said with his soothing voice. "Harry..." He repeated, bringing Harry's hearing back. "Harry, it's not all bad news," Louis said, looking up at the doctor. Harry joined Louis in looking at the doctor.

"We managed to save the baby..." He said, flashing a small smile at Harry. "Your friend however," he cleared his throat, "we're sorry," he finished, not sure of how to put it lightly. "We tried everything we could."

Harry's throat swelled up, he couldn't swallow. He couldn't help but blame himself. A myriad of thoughts clogged up his mind; _What if Eleanor died because of him? What if, she died for his son_? Harry shook them off. "I want to see her," He said firmly.

The doctor nodded. "Of course, Mr. Tomlinson."

Louis stayed behind while the doctor took Harry to see Eleanor before they took her to the morgue. "Fuck," He said, hitting his head with the palm of his hand.

 

Louis' eyes flashed open to the sight of a dark and empty hospital waiting room. He saw Harry sitting at the other end of the room with a book in his hands. He stood up and walked over, sitting beside him. "Hi," He said softly.

Harry closed the book and looked at Louis, not saying anything. He just snuggled into him. Louis placed an arm around his husband and held him close, as close as physically possible... and then closer. Louis hoped his solace would be enough to rid the boy of his gloom; but deep down inside he knew it wouldn't. He just let there be silence, he didn't ask what he'd missed while he was in his slumber, nor did he dare to ask what Harry was thinking. The last thing Louis wanted right now was to make the man he loved feel more depressed than he already was.

 

The next few days were hard. Very hard.

Louis and Harry spent every waking hour in the hospital, they weren't allowed to see their baby; they just had to wait. Waiting was hard, waiting was very hard.

Harry would spend his days reading book, on book, on book, just trying to escape reality and enter a fantasy world. One where maybe, Eleanor was still here and, one where she didn't give birth to a premature baby. One where, Harry and Louis lived in a castle on a beach. One where, they got to do whatever they wanted, without consequences. This probably wasn't healthy for him, but he loved being able to pretend like all the shit things in his life weren't there anymore.

Louis spent his writing; he wrote in the journal Harry had given him for his twentieth birthday. The one he had neglected to open for seven years, and now that he had, he couldn't stop. He wrote about everything that was going on. The things he was feeling, the things he wasn't feeling yet figured he should be. The things he missed, the things he didn't miss. The people he missed (Eleanor, Anne - who died of cancer two years ago, his Grandparents), the people he didn't miss. He just wrote anything he was thinking, because it made him feel better; and feeling better was all he wanted.

The two of them together found a way to stay working through those few days, even if they did have breakdowns now and again; that was to be expected. Harry losing his mother was hard enough, losing a close friend on top of that wrecked him... but, he had Louis. He always had Louis. You win some, you lose some. He won Louis, and to him... it was the greatest prize of all. Love was the greatest prize of all.

 

Louis felt an eager tap on his shoulder. He batted his eyelids open to see Harry smiling down at him. "Would you like to meet someone?" He asked, his cheeks turning a light rose colour.

Louis rubbed his eyes awake and stood up, nodding.

Harry led Louis through the hospital halls until they reached the nursery in the Maternity Ward. Harry pressed his nose up against the glass, smiling down on the cot containing the baby with the name label 'Tomlinson'.

Louis smiled before realizing what was different. "Wait... But-"

"It's a miracle." Harry smiled back before Louis could finish his sentence.

Louis shook his head. "I thought-"

"Me too." Harry interrupted again.

A nurse in Spongebob-themed scrubs approached them with a clipboard and a big smile on her soft skin. "Have you two decided on a name yet?" She asked, clicking open her pen.

Louis looked over at Harry who smiled and nodded. Louis nodded in reply and looked at the nurse who was ready to write down the name they had chosen.

Harry took a deep breath and smiled. "Eleanor. Her name is Eleanor." The nurse smiled and quickly jotted it down before skipping off to run it through the computer.

Harry turned around to look at his husband. Louis took a firm hold of Harry's hand as he began to feel the tear ducts in his eyes fill up. "I can't believe she's a girl," Harry squeezed down on Louis' hand, letting his dimples surface completely for the first time in months. "I can't believe she's our girl," he said once more, pulling Harry closer to him.

Harry put his arm around his husband and let Louis' head lie on his chest. "I hope Eleanor's having an amazing time up in heaven with mum, Lou." A single tear slid down Harry's cheek, landing on the top of Louis' head.

Louis smiled. "Of course she is," he said, proudly. "...and they'll both be there waiting for us when it's our turn, I promise."

There was a long silence between the two of them, the business of the hospital continued as planned. But, not them. They stood there, cuddled up to one another; they watched as their baby girl dreamed in her cot. Tomorrow they could take her home, tomorrow they could be a family. They could be a family the three of them; Harry, Louis, Eleanor.

_Fin_


End file.
